The U.S.S. Vancouver, a Parliament-class ship, is partnering with the Cerritos on the demolition of a moon that is endangering the planet Mixtus III. The ship gleans with an air of importance that produces eye rolls from Captain Freeman. But a high-class ship can't help a diplomatic crisis, which the Vancouver is currently experiencing via a conference room filled with irate Mixtians.
Not everyone is disappointed to visit the Vancouver, though. Rutherford and Tendi lament the ramshackle nature of the Cerritos, and geek out about all the engineering gizmos available on the Vancouver. Boimler's interests are more romantic in nature, as he meets up with his girlfriend of one month in Lieutenant Barbara Brinson. Mariner is adamant Barb is a fabrication, a holodeck simulation created by her depraved best friend. But not only does Barb turn out to be real, she's also head over heels for Boimler, purring about how he "radiates primal confidence."
However, any confidence Boimler had disappeared with the sudden arrival of Lieutenant Jet, a broad-chested old flame of Barb's. As the two go off to reconnect and recalibrate the containment field, Boimler's jealousy gets stoked, and so does Mariner's curiosity about Barb. Meanwhile, Tendi and Rutherford meet with Ron Docent, a Vancouver officer who recruits them to run diagnostics. As a prize, he offers up a yet-to-be-released T-88 scanner, which is more than enough incentive for the ensigns. The two immediately snap into a competition, adamant on taking home the new piece of technology to their respective teams.
Mariner is incredibly suspicious of Boimler's beau, as she feels he's way out of her league. Her past informs her opinion, as she recalls her time aboard the U.S.S. Quito. With a new hairstyle -- and a DS9-style uniform -- she's seen in happier times, chatting it up with her coupled-up friends. Things go from lovey-dovey to horrifying as it turns out one of them is a shape changer, devouring his mate. Her motives are clear, though, with her not wanting to melt someone's face off out of love ever again. Her mother, meanwhile, seems to have found a solution to all of the Mixtians' religious, agricultural and ancestral worries to blowing up the moon. However, one disgruntled member remains, saying the implosion will lead to the destruction of his planet. He throws a tantrum, yelling that Starfleet will have their hands covered in blood as red as his skin.![]()
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Boimler's solution to possibly competing with Jet, predictably, doesn't go well. He literally crashes her briefing, embarrassing them both. He then tries to change himself by mimicking every cool figure from Earth's history. The result is a leather/letterman jacket-wearing Boimler sauntering into the mess hall, only to trip and cover his girlfriend in beer. Mariner is also continuing to spiral, taking hair samples and fashioning a corkboard that theorizes Barb is everything from a Cardassian spy to a transporter clone. It's clear no matter what she is, Barb is getting frustrated with them both.
Barb finally confronts Boimler about his weird behavior after he tries to catch her and Jet in the middle of suggestive noises. After admitting his worry about her leaving him, she reaffirms her feelings, and the two walk off arm-in-arm to an orbital platform. Mariner ends up with her pants down as she tries to expose Barb as a reptoid. But when she finds an exoskeleton husk, she fearfully takes off to stop the happy couple.
She passes by Tendi and Rutherford, who burst into Docent's office to find out who won the T-88. It turns out they both did, along with a spot on the Vancouver. He writes up a transfer request for the two of them to work on the ship, pending their approval. Though the duo gives it a lot of thought, they ultimately decide to stick with the Cerritos, happy with the job of keeping the ship together. Unfortunately, that is not the response Docent wants to hear, as he angrily responds the transfer will go through anyway. Rutherford and Tendi steal the PADD from the irate officer, only to discover that he intended to swap places with them on the Cerritos. He tearfully throws himself at their feet, fried by all the epic action and looking for a simpler day-to-day. They agree to forget all this happened in exchange for deleting the transfer request, as well as two T-88s.
The ensigns seem to be doing a better job at negotiating than Freeman, who is still having issues with this one Mixtian. As he shouts invectives about the Prime Directive, he accidentally reveals that he and his wife are the only two people on the planet in question. Fed up with his nonsense, Freeman orders the moon's destruction, ending her diplomatic negotiations (and the Mixtian's new floors).
Things are getting explosive on the orbital platform as well, where Mariner walks in on a fully nude Boimler. As the two fumble past the awkward moment, she tries to show him the exoskeleton, only for him to shrug her off as yet another ranting. He gets knocked out when the platform shifts and Barb arrives, culminating in an all-out brawl between the two women. They exchange punches and words, and it turns out that Mariner's paranoia about Barb being a parasite is reciprocated. The two end up coming together around embarrassing Boimler stories, realizing how much in common they have.
Unfortunately, Mariner's scanner still shows a parasite in their midst that turns out to be coming from an unlikely source: Boimler. The parasite in question has been living on the back of his head for the past month, secreting pheromones to make their hosts irresistible. Though Barb affirms the sweet scent had nothing to do with her feelings for Boimler, she still breaks up with him, citing the extra work she'll be doing to research this romantic bug. All is not lost, though, as she's made close friends with Mariner. Back in engineering, Tendi and Rutherford reveal they each smuggled a duffel bag full of T-88s back to the Cerritos.
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