On the U.S.S. Cerritos, Ensigns Tendi, Mariner, and Rutherford are exhausted after being kept up all night by the Red Alert klaxon. As they head to the sonic showers, they run into Lieutenant Jet Manhaver. It seems the Lieutenant has been reassigned to Beta Shift, meaning he’ll be showering with the Lower Decks team. Inside the sonic shower room, Mariner, who is unwilling to let the unsettled team dynamic lie, becomes embroiled in an antagonistic battle with Jet. As each turns the setting on the sonic shower higher, in an attempt to endure the ensuing, the rest of the occupants flee to safety.
Elsewhere, Captain Freeman records her Captain’s Log where she speaks of their current mission; assisting the Collector’s Guild in dealing with a starship left behind by the late Kerner Hauze, a collector, since it’s filled with hazardous treasures as well as valuable ones. Chairman Siggi of the Collector’s Guild goes out of the way to make it clear that he was no friend of Hauze. After Siggi signs off, Commander Jack Ransom asks if Hauze was the one who tried to collect Lieutenant Commander Data of the U.S.S. Enterprise, to which Freeman replies, “They all tried to collect Data.” Meanwhile, Dr. Migleemo enters the bridge to help welcome the new Head of Security for the Cerritos: Lieutenant Kayshon, the first Tamarian in Starfleet. While Freeman is too concerned about her impending command evaluation to be bothered about the Collector’s Guild, she assures Ransom that Kayshon can handle it.
Down in the lower decks, the team of ensigns are discussing the happenings on the bridge. Soon, the conversation turns to Boimler…
Onboard the U.S.S. Titan, a battle ensues against the Pakleds. Cool, calm, and collected, Captain William Thomas Riker issues orders to Boimler, who complies (but screams as he executes them). Meanwhile, the rest of the Titan bridge crew is eager to face the challenge. The Titan’s Tactical Officer celebrates as they successfully repel the Pakleds, but Boimler seems mostly traumatized by the experience.
Back on the Cerritos, the ensigns arrive in the transporter room and meet Lt. Kayshon. It’s established that Jet has gone out of his way to learn some of the metaphor-phrases that make up the Tamarian language, causing Mariner to label him the “suck-up at Tanagra.” The away team beams over to the Collector ship and is greeted by the very rude Siggi amid the trophy room.
On the Titan, Captain Riker is briefing his away team. It seems the Pakleds are focused on mining Varuvian Ore. According to the Titan’s First Officer, it contains material that becomes volatile when vibrated at high frequency. The Tactical Officer chimes in that the Pakleds recently attempted to use it to blow up Starbase 58, causing Boimler to admit that he’s having a hard time keeping up on the Titan’s adventures. The Titan’s Chief Engineer wonders if weaponizing Varuvian Ore is above the Pakled’s grade level, and Riker confirms this to be the case – and that’s why Starfleet Command believers there may be a hidden player. The Titan has been dispatched to infiltrate a mining colony on Karzill IV and uncover any clues about the mystery collaborator.
Back on the Collector’s ship, Siggi makes a casual pass at Rutherford, one of the few cyborgs in Starfleet, assuring Samanthan that he has a top-notch menagerie. Elsewhere, Tendi speculates that Hauze must have been lonely living alone on the ship, but Kayshon responds that he might have preferred the quiet. That’s when Tendi uncovers what might be the crown jewel of the whole collection: Kahless’ fornication helmet. Mariner and Jet are still at odds with one another, arguing about how seriously to take the situation, when someone trips the automated defenses. The ship starts to shake as the portrait of Hauze comes alive in holographic form; wagging a finger at the ensigns before accusing them of theft and unjustly attacking them!
In a moment that demonstrates why he’s been given the title of Head of Security, Kayshon dives in front of the beams fired from Hauze’s eyes. Kayshon hovers above the ground and then transforms into a puppet. Before the ensigns can deal with the attack on Kayshon, flying orbs attack them, and some of the hanging cages fall, breaking all around them. Many of the displays begin to become weapons, and calling for help from the Cerritos is fruitless – the automated defenses are blocking comms. It’s up to the ensigns to escape – and to protect the puppet version of Kayshon, who can no longer defend himself. They escape one display room and analyze a map of the ship in the hallway, with Mariner concocting an off-the-cuff plan that would see them traveling to the engine room and disabling the systems there…![]()
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But Jet has another idea, once again reminding Mariner that Boimler is gone. He suggests they use an alternate route that will avoid danger. Mariner is outraged at someone else taking the lead, and even more outraged when Rutherford, Tendi, and Siggi all agree with him, noting that it’s closer to Starfleet protocol anyway.
Elsewhere, Boimler and the rest of the Titan away team are traveling down to Karzill IV via the shuttlecraft Coltrane. The Titan’s Chief Engineer reflects that Riker must have been disappointed to remain on the ship instead of putting boots on the ground. The Tactical Officer notes that Riker must have been so bored on the Enterprise, which the First Officer notes had five daycares. This causes Boimler to become slightly outraged. “Are you talking about the D? The flagship?” he asks. “They traveled to different dimensions. They fought the Borg. They insurrected!”
“They had regular string quartets,” counters the First Officer, as the Titan command team laughs. Bradward’s heart is broken.
On the Cerritos, Captain Freeman is getting frustrated. She reveals that her evaluation from Starfleet Command said that she was a micromanager. In order to improve herself, Freeman will have to show more trust in her subordinates, which she does by leaving Kayshon, an accomplished officer, to his own devices.
Back on the Collector’s ship, the ensigns are surviving a series of traps on Hauze’s ship… but only barely. Finally, they arrive in a room filled with skeletons… including the bones of the giant Vulcan. The ensigns confront Siggi for abandoning them in the previous room, and he drops Kahless’ sex helmet. It seems he stole the object that triggered the automated defenses. Siggi is unrepentant… and consistent in his selfishness and obliviousness to traps. He steps through a laser that drops the giant skeleton right on top of him… with the giant skull falling to emphasize that he’s dead regardless of the fact that he was wearing the fornication helmet. The ensigns resign themselves to going up and over the skeleton to continue their escape. Jet and Mariner continue to argue, with Jet saying that it isn’t fair for Mariner to put Tendi and Rutherford in danger. Mariner accuses Jet of not really caring about Tendi and Rutherford, but only using them in order to validate his own sense of himself as a leader and hero. But that’s when one of the hovering automated vacuums brushes up against her. Mariner at first dismisses it as a harmless annoyance… but it soon becomes clear that the cleaning equipment may be more dangerous than it first appeared as it attacks Mariner. The ensigns flee into one of the displays, one that is centered on Excalbia, seizing bones to use as weapons and using them to build a makeshift barricade.
On Karzill IV, the Titan away team has infiltrated the miners. The Pakleds have seized control of the mine, asserting their strength as they move their prisoners. Boimler attempts to bond with one of the miners, but his privilege makes it obvious that he’s Starfleet. They spot a nearby Pakled and attempt to incapacitate him so they can move further into the mine… but it isn’t a Pakled, it’s just a pile of snacks covered by a Pakled uniform. Unfortunately, this alerts the Pakleds to their presence… and they’re enraged that the interlopers are after their snacks! The Titan away team falls back into a mine tunnel…
Meanwhile, on the Collector’s ship, Mariner and Jet continue to argue. They both accuse one another of putting on an act: Jet pretends to be the perfect Starfleet officer, while Mariner pretends to be a renegade hero. However, they finally realize that while they each work in different ways, they are each just working in the way they work best – and it’s unfair for one of them to impose their own standards on the other. Soon, they’ve found common ground by making fun of Ransom and Stevens. But that’s when they realize the solution to their problem: neither of them should be in charge. They turn to Rutherford and Tendi and ask for their advice, and while they at first demure, soon Tendi comes up with an ingenious solution using Excalbian bones, based on her medical knowledge! Combined with Rutherford’s knowledge of the engineering sub-conduits, the pair is able to concoct an effective, easy solution to their seemingly insurmountable problem. The only reason they didn’t say anything before was because Mariner and Jet had been in charge.
On Karzill IV, the Titan away team is fleeing from the Pakleds. They hole up in a cavern and turn their phasers on the door to buy themselves some time. The away team requests emergency transport to the Titan, but there’s some kind of distortion field. The Engineering Officer concludes that the Varuvian explosion caused an ion cloud that has made transportation impossible. Riker tells them that they’ll figure it out, but the Pakleds are almost inside, and the Titan away team resigns themselves to “boldly going”… to their death. But when they ask Boimler to join them, he says he didn’t join Starfleet for phaser battles, he joined for exploration and peaceful diplomacy. He celebrates Starfleet string quartets, performing in plays, and weird science like meeting identical transporter clones. But the message gets through to the Titan away team, who must admit that while the Enterprise-D may not have as many high-octane adventures, it’s still Starfleet. The Titan away team each reflect on their more pedestrian reasons for joining Starfleet before coming around to Boimler’s way of seeing things. Suddenly, Boimler an idea…
Back on the Collector’s ship, the Ensigns break into the wall and begin working their way to the escape pods. On the Cerritos, Ransom tells Freeman it’s okay if she wants to check in on the team. That’s when they identify the approaching escape pods, and Rutherford and Tendi appear on the view screen. Tendi holds up the hand puppet version of Kayshon… and Freeman vows never to be a hands-off Captain again. On Karzill IV, the Pakleds have entered the chamber. Riker orders the away team be beamed out, and Boimler’s efforts mean the Titan’s First Officer, Tactical Officer, and Chief Engineer are successfully beamed to the Luna-class starship’s transporter room. But when they attempt to teleport Bradward, something goes wrong. Riker won’t take “no” for an answer, and a second containment beam is used to successfully beam Boimler back to the ship. But before the Titan can jump to warp, a shuttle craft is detected. They beam the shuttle pilot over… and it’s also Boimler! A copy of him got transported out, but the original still exists.
“I’ve heard this tune before,” declares Riker. “Let’s hear it for the Boimlers!” Later, Riker is debriefing the two Boimlers. He explains that Starfleet Command feels the Titan’s missions are too complex to add the additional complication of a transporter clone, and so one of them will be forced to take a demotion and return to the Cerritos. As one of the Boimlers steps forward, the other stays back, accepting his position on the Titan and maintaining his rank. As Bradward leaves, we hear the transporter clone select the name “William” for himself. As Bradward boards the shuttle back to the Cerritos, he discovers that he has earned the respect of the Titan command crew…
On the Cerritos, Dr. T’Ana says that it isn’t her first “guy got turned into a doll” before fending off Dr. Migleemo, who muses that the Kayshon puppet could be therapeutically useful. Later, in the bar, the ensigns are enjoying some delicious street corn. It seems as though Jet has been finally accepted into the crew of ensigns… but that’s when Boimler returns. Boimler admits that he got transporter cloned and Rutherford says “pay up” to Tendi, who forks over a strip of Latinum. Tendi asks Rutherford how he knew that’s what would happen, and he says, “It just seems like a Boimler thing to happen.”
Mariner quickly accepts Boimler back into the fold, but there’s no space for Jet anymore… and he dejectedly leaves the four reunited ensigns to their own conversation, which is mostly Bradward explaining how the Titan is pure adventure with little substance. Elsewhere in the bar, we see Kayshon, returned to normal and striking out after using a Tamarian line on one of his crewmates.
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